he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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