dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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