with your own penis?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize