On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
