it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
