i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
