dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
