I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize