Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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