At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
