Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
