Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there's paper in my vomit.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
