How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize