We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
