New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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