Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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