I faked an abortion last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
