Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(406): View more from Montana

also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)

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(319): View more from Iowa

The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue

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(308): View more from Nebraska

yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.

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(301): View more from Maryland

But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you

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(661): View more from California

Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?

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(708): View more from Illinois

Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.

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