I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
