I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
COCAINE IS GR8
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize