im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
should my penis look like a turkey
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I didn't notice because vodka
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
third nipple confirmed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
