One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You ruined the universe
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
