Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
