I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
