Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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