Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
