so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
