I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
