i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
