Nicole vs. Life
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
