Can Purell be used as lube?
it was like eating out sand paper
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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