im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
