We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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