11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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