Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
