she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
