I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
