Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
