Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
FUCK WHALES
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
