dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
