I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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