Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
