i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
