4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
