My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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