3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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