so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
