were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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