it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
