There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
