He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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