So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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