No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
