Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
