if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
