somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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