Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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