Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
