he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
