Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
