If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
