Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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